ugly people sure do ruin things
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
