we have officially lost it.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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