Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
