she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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