are you still at the devil's house?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize