Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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