Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I met the friendliest cop last night
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
