i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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