9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
