This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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