please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
