is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
