she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
