Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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