i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
