Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
