nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
