I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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