you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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