its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
