I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize