you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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