So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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