we have officially lost it.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
