As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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