im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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