Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
