apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
