If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i dont even know how to be here
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
