look no pants
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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