he was CRYING into my vagina
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
