we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
