Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
