You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
