god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The beer is more important than you right now.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
