even my farts smell like vagina
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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