He kissed a someone with a penis
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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