69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
