OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
