Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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