im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
