Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can't put those talents on a resume
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
