Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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