hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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