And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
