You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
