69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
