sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
