Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
