don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
