I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
