Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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