Screwed.edu
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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