he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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