Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
