Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
