i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
