No stitches, just platelets and will power
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
