Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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