i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
