Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize