Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I will be naked everywhere
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
