I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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