Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
