You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
