Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
