i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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