there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
