...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
