Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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